Inside The Mind Of A Narcissist

(sparkster) “I’m not really narcissistic, I just pretend to be”

“You will believe my lies because they are the truth… they are my truth”

“I’m not speaking to you, you do not deserve my words”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, it’s all in your head”

“You’re paranoid, you need to get to the doctor to sort your head out”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I could never do something like that”

“That never happened, you must be imagining things. You need to see a shrink”

“I love you, I could never hurt you like that. Where are these ideas coming from?”

Do any of the above statements seem familiar?

Do several of them seem familiar?

Do all of them seem familiar?

If the above statements combined are reminiscent of a person you know then it’s a possibility that this person may be a narcissist.

The last statement is the most relevant as it indicates that ideas are indeed coming from somewhere and that there must be a source. The narcissist knows perfectly well the true source of these ideas but has, most likely, been making a concerted effort outside of your awareness to distort any information you may have been picking up on, in order to hide the true source of these ideas.

To the narcissist secrets are secrets and should be protected no matter what (watch out for clothes bearing the word “secret” or “secrets” if the narcissist in your life is female). They will protect their secrets expertly and if you push hard enough this may result in them eventually setting up a distortion campaign against your reputation; you will be deemed the crazy one and the narcissist will be out to destroy people’s opinions of you.

This brings me on to the previous statement:

“That never happened, you must be imagining things. You need to see a shrink”

Now that the narcissist has successfully tarnished your reputation thereby building an army of supporting bystanders (friends and family) they can now confront you directly. By taking the focus (and therefore any accusations) off themselves and projecting it onto you (or whoever their victim is) the narcissist can pretend to show genuine concern for your supposed condition whilst maintaining the (false) belief to their army of supporters that you need professional help, therefore invoking real genuine concern in the bystanders who feel real genuine empathy (which the narcissist lacks).

Push hard enough and you will end up facing all the people you know seemingly trying to convince you that you are paranoid (probably), even though you know you are not. The narcissist has outwitted them; all of them.

The narcissist will twist everything; your words, the truth, dates, small details, etc in order to confuse. Once a strong enough state of confusion is invoked the narcissist knows exactly how to plant the seeds of a lie into the subconscious of their victim(s) which will be lapped up as a form of relief from the confusion. The victim’s only choice is to let things be how they are or suffer having their lifestyle and livelihood quietly destroyed in the background, usually outside of their awareness.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I could never do something like that”

To the narcissist this statement is not a lie and could be considered to be the direct opposite of an embedded command. However, with embedded commands certain words in the sentence are accentuated or added to give the sentence an ambiguous meaning whereas, in a narcissists case, meaningless words may have been added to the sentence, such as the words “don’t” and “never” in the above statement. If these two words are removed from the sentence then the narcissist is speaking the truth – therefore, technically, the narcissist is speaking the truth. How dare you accuse them of lying!

“You’re paranoid, you need to get to the doctor to sort your head out”

This is a simple psychological (unconscious) defense mechanism which ties in with displacement. The narcissist knows they are different and plausible denial is a way of defending their repressed knowledge of their true inner self. Once again, the fact that there’s something ‘different’ about them is projected onto the victim.

The narcissist gets a buzz from being able to manipulate so successfully and get away with it and will not allow anyone, especially their victim(s), to cause any sort of damage to their sense of omnipotence and omniscience. The narcissist is the all-powerful, all-knowing one. They consider themselves to be special as they have been blessed with a gift which they can use to go through life without feeling empathy and can therefore use and manipulate everyone around them unnoticed and without a genuine care in the world.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, it’s all in your head”

What’s the first rule of having an affair?

The answer: deny everything!

You could be sat there with solid physical evidence but the narcissist will simply tell you that you are imagining things, reading between the lines too much or may even try to convince you that you are hallucinating. You imagined everything, it was all in your head!

Technically, the above statement is nothing more than mental abuse, even when used truthfully. You should never tell anybody that something is all in their head – ALL perception, whether real or not, is in the head.

“I’m not speaking to you, you do not deserve my words”

Clearly an indication of a heightened sense of grandiosity, you are not good enough to be spoken to by the narcissist. You (or the victim) will receive the silent treatment whilst the narcissist (most likely) sits in a daze staring blankly at the television... but what’s really happening?

The narcissist is probably considering in advance what their next action is going be, what your possible reactions to that action may be and then considering what actions they will take depending on the reaction that they manage to invoke in you. Simply put, they are being calculative to the point where they are twenty-five steps ahead of you. Be prepared to be kicked while you’re down! You cannot keep up with their super-human capacity for manipulation.

“You will believe my lies because they are the truth… they are my truth”

The narcissist is always right and hates it when they are wrong. They are ALWAYS right, even when they are wrong. They are ALWAYS right, even when they are lying – even when they are intentionally lying.

“I’m not really narcissistic, I just pretend to be”

An indication of an overt narcissist. One who loves to show off in front of large groups of people, possibly showcasing sexual behaviour and acting like it’s all a joke but really they’re just looking for attention.

The above statement is a classic give-away. It projects the idea that the narcissist is aware of their behaviour and can justify it as being nothing more than banter. Again, this is done just to appease and throw their victims off-scent.

Recommended Books:

Narcissist: Inside the Mind of a Narcissist

9 Covert Ways to Outsmart a Narcissist: Beat the Tools He Uses to Mind Control You

The Narcissist Survival Guide: Everything you need to know to deal with the Narcissists in your world,…without losing your mind

Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Divorcing a Narcissist – One Mom’s Battle

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